I can't remember if i posted it, or if i did, when.. But, i should have posted about a kitten that i got about 3 months ago. Well, after three months of falling in love with her and feeling like she was a daughter to me,  I have to give her up. Stupid apartment never told us we were only allowed 2 cats when we moved in, as much as they say they did. I need to call a friend who said they may be able to take my little girl in, so i don't have to take her to the humane society.. but, even with her being at a friends, it's still breaking my heart to see her go.. knowing that it's going to happen any day now.

I've never had a cat last more than a few months, and had hoped that maybe this time i would. but she's easier to place than Meischa is, being so young and cute, and is more distructive (i can only assume since she's so young)


I'll miss her..

mood: depressed

It may seem outdated, but I have a forum of which the whole purpose is to Role Play (no, not like D&D..)

The problem is, I don't have hardly any members, and most people who ARE on it, don't post. SO, I thought I would put this out there for people who would like to look at it and/or join...



The guest account information is:

Login: CRRPGguest
Password: 123456

Unfortunately, YUKU doesn't let you even look at forums without joining.

The big thing about the forum is you can rp anything you like (and I do mean ANYTHING) so long as it won't get me in trouble.

location: Huntsville, tx mood: blank tags: advertising, crimsonroserpg

I've got a friend who just got sent to Kuwait. This same person just got back from being stationed in Korea in December. While he doesn't have much, he has twin boys, and parents. For the next 15 months, I'm going to be hoping to hear from him as often as possible.


For you, Pyrin:

location: Huntsville, tx mood: worried music: American Soldier - Toby Keith tags: duty, kuwait, pyrin

While i've known for a while that photos in magazines and billboards are airbrushed, it's still far different to watch it.


I suggest everyone watch the following clip. it's not that long.






It's no wonder... -_-. The reason that nobody can look like the models you see around, is because they don't physically exist.

mood: contemplative

Well, i talked to the neurologist that was going to look at my back. He said that I first need to work on loosing weight (DUH) and then after 3 - 6 months of this, that he would look to see if there was anything that needed done surgically.

Let me tell you something, though. I'm an overweight female in a society that says that you must be thin to be beautiful. I KNOW I NEED TO LOOSE WEIGHT!!!

*sighs* i just wish it was that easy. Here's my problem: when i have the money to eat when I'm hungry, I loose weight. However, being poor, and thereby not having the money for food, my body's metabolism is in 'starvation mode' so to speak. I'm not getting the food my body needs, so it thinks i'm starving myself. While I'll loose weight eventually, it's only after a very long time of my body hording every milligram of calories and carbs it can get, because it thinks that there may be a point that I /can't/ eat.

And, before y'all think this is bullshit and I'm making excuses, I did talk to Dr. Malik about this, mentioning that when i have enough to eat, I loose weight, and he said that it was possible, even probable.

location: Huntsville, tx mood: annoyed tags: back, metabolism, weight

Just for fun, i wanted to list the names i've collected and what language they're from, as well as what they mean.. so .. here goes, from most recent, to furthest away:

Spøgelsesånd	Danish	Spirit of the Ghost [Given to me by a friend from a forum who's first language is danish]
Ruach	Hebrew	Spirit (we've got spirit yes we do)[Given to me by ex-boyfrien]
Rei	Japanese	Ghost (given to me by a friend in highschool who's father was a samurai.) [ Soon to be Middle name]
Juliette	French	Downy {got this in French Class}
Marie	French	Sea of Bitterness {middle name born with}
Jessica	Hebrew	Wealthy, Gods Gift, etc(there are many definitions)[first name born with]
Cassandra	Greek	She Who Entangles Men[soon to be first name]

location: hell hole USA mood: amused tags: names

Poll #1111080 curiosity killed the cat
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

what would you do if you were married and then found your soul mate? Would you possibly give up said marraige to be with the person you found?

mood: curious

Last night, to ease syberfoxmi's mind, i took a prego test to see if what he feared was true. It came up Negative. While, most girls my age would be jumping for joy, I'm a little depressed. While yes, i know that neither he nor i could afford a child right now, i want one more than anything. I would so love to be able to nurture an infant, to have a child of my own. I've had 4 miscarriages already, and i think it's because of that that i want one so bad. Even living with my roommates, Heather and Andrew, and watching their kids, i still want a little one of my own.

I know that i need to wait but, at the same time, every time i take one of those stupid tests i get myself psyched up for what I'll say, what I'll do. I think of how I'll tell my SO at the time and so forth. I know that all the hurt when i get a neg. is all because of myself, but at the same time, i can't seem to help myself. Every day that goes by i feel like it's another day that i should have a child.

So you may be asking why i want a kid so badly. Well, most people hit puberty around the age of 16.. Even females (though they may have periods before hand) don't mentally hit puberty till highschool. I've had it estimated that i hit puberty in 4th grade. That's mentally, not physically. So, when i say that I've wanted a child for a long time, my biological clock is similar to that of someone who's somewhere between 26 and 30. While i know that many 26-30 yr olds don't have kids, and some don't want them, i do. I love taking care of kids so much that I've thought about working at a daycare... then i realized i would suck at taking care of spoiled brats all day.

I guess i just need a puppy or something of the sort to occupy my mind for now... but.. since i don't live somewhere that can have pets, i'm kindda screwed in that field too... DAMN!

location: my room, dexter, mi mood: depressed music: fans tags: depressed, negative, pregnant, puppy

It's almost 11.15pm. usually i'm watching the clock, anxious for Syberfoxmi to call me on his first break at work (at midnight.) Well, tonight he was off and so came over to hang out at my place. He got here about 3.30 ish, we went to dinner about 7.30ish then came home and watched tv/movies.

while this is all well and good, something has been missing today. Usually when i'm around my b/f he will tell me he loves me (or at least 'i love you too' ), give me hugs, and kisses. well, today it's all been gone. i got a quick peck of a kiss when he got here, and that's it. When i say i love him, he shrugs or says ok. Won't kiss me...

it really REALLY hurts. but i don't know what to say.. Don't know how to say anything without sounding uber needy, whiny, or childish. I know that i need to bring it up, but i don't know how. As i watch him asleep on the futon mattrise, i wonder if i've scared him by my affections, or if i did something wrong.

yes, we had sex at one point, and since then he's been flipping out, saying i'm pregnant and so forth. I'd take a test to prove him wrong, but it's only been just over a week and so nothing would show up. I'm on Depo Privera. (the shot) so we didn't really worry about a condom. to be honest, i'm not sure if he got off even. 

I'm sure you don't want to know about my sex life, so i'll shut up.. but.. even still, i'm worried. Worried that i'm going to have another failed relationship, worried that i'm going to be alone, worried that i'm going to be lost again. I'm not trying to ask for advice on relationships, cause i know that every one is different. I just needed to rant so that i didn't keep it bottled up. Unfortunately that's about as brilliant as holding a bottle of soda with your thumb over the opening and shaking it...... not the smartest idea in the world....


on a lighter note, I started work yesterday. It was fairly boring, as it was only an hour and a half of orientation *blah* but.. whatever

location: dexter, mi mood: depressed music: Syberfox Snoring tags: affections, pregnant, relationships, sexlife, syberfoxmi, work

I want to work on my drawings, but have a lack of inspiration. So, i was wondering if i can do a commission for someone. Either a full drawing or a 'con badge' style drawing.

leave a comment or send me a message on here if you'd like one


i can't promise it'll be the best... but...

oh.. btw.. these are free!

mood: artistic

This journal is becoming a friends only journal. if you want to read it's contents, please reply to this entry.

When the terms honeymoon syndrome is heard, a person usually think of new couples. But i realized today that it's not just couples, it's also evident when it comes to friends.

Why is it that when you first make friend's they're eager to spend time and so forth, but as life goes on, they loose interest and fall away? or is this just what happens to me?

If it is just me, what am i doing wrong. i guess perhaps i'm just a boring person.I guess that my life isn't exciting enough to hold the attention of most people.


se la vie, right?  

mood: depressed

I realised tonight after the furmeet that i go through withdrawl every time i come back from hanging out with people.. damn i am going to be bad after MFF...

but, yeah, when i get home i get real depressed and lonely.

who'd have guessed?  

mood: withdrawl tags: furmeet, withdrawl

ok.. so, the house i live in doesn't have a dishwasher or a garbage disposal. So, we have to hand-wash things. I've been doing such since i don't pay much rent and so forth.  However, when i went in to do dishes today, the smell of rotting, wet food made me almost throw up. HOW HARD IS IT TO SCRAP/RINSE YOUR DISHES?! especially if you took it to work and it's been out of the fridge for 5+ hrs?!!!!!


so, i told my roommate that i insisted that they are rinsed, and have come to the conclusion if they arn't, i won't wash them anymore. i can wash what i use.... hell, we are supposed to be using disposable crap anyway!

don't put the serving bowl for the potatoes in the sink WITH POTATOES STILL IN IT!  



GAH!

mood: sick tags: dishes

This image was shown to me by Ben, my mate....

makes me want a baby.  

damn him

mood: sad

just wanted to send a shoutout to my dear friend,  syberfoxmi who's birthday is today (as of 11 minutes ago)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SYBER!!     

location: dexter mi mood: silly tags: happy birthday, syberfoxmi

I went to a furmeet yesterday and ran into someone from Fur Camp, "Cow". I gave him a hug, and asked how he was.. and then it all went to shit.

While the group was bowling, cow tried to pull off my shirt no less than 25 times in a 2 hr span. He also came up to me behind me and would hump my arse or grab my breasts.

and it didn't stop there. We went to a 'aftermeet party' and he was there as well, and it all continued. Trying to get me naked, trying to get me shirtless, humping me when i hugged a friend....

Every time he did any of this i said 'No! Stop!"

next time i see him i'm going to tell him that if he ever touches me again i'm suing him for sexual harassment.

location: dexter mi mood: pissed off tags: cow, sexual harassment, stop

so, i was feeling rather rantish, so i made a video blog....